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November 27, 2009

Not a good sign when I start a post by realizing that the “Strange” category no longer cuts it. Here’s a quick recap of the past few days. If you want something uplifting, I suggest looking elsewhere.

On Monday Matt sent me a text message that ended up being a password to the website that revealed two Rossum memos. One was a hit list that had the entire Hunter family, as well Sara. It also had Thomas’ and Liz’ names crossed out. My name was not on there, which of course made everyone even more suspicious. Long story short, Robert packed up the Hunter family and me, and flew us all to a city that I have promised not to name under any circumstances. He then flew me and himself to Sara, where they spent all of Wednesday discussing things and arguing somewhat.

Robert wanted us all to go hide. Apparently, in the early 60s, Robert’s dad got involved in a case that resulted in the death of Robert’s mom and the temporary disappearance of his sister Rachel. He was adamant that he would not allow for history to repeat itself. That case was left open, but from what I understood by eavesdropping, some guy by the name William Morley was a scientist who made discoveries that located personality and memory banks in the brain and was working on extracting them. He then got moved or abducted or something by some people named MK Ultra. Some other guys (apparently businessmen) then pulled some strings and got him handed off to them in the early 80s. Robert’s Dad kept in touch with William but didn’t write anything else down because he was convinced this would endanger his two kids. In 1984, William resigned from his position, changed his name and disappeared. Robert Sr. was going to meet up with him, but ended up driving into a tree instead.

If you think these stories are bad, it doesn’t quite end there. On Thursday both Sara and I convinced Robert he should fly to his family to be with them on Thanksgiving. He left in a cab, supposedly got to the airport, took off, but never landed – anywhere. Sara spent last evening and this morning on the phone with May, and from what I hear they’re starting to presume him dead. She told May that they’ll find out in forty days, but when I asked her what that means, she pretended not to have heard me.

Also yesterday, Matt sent me an email that said “You’re my Syr & I miss you”. The wonderful CTPs got on their research horses and immediately figured out it has to do with some Norse goddess. I wrote him back (via a CTP friend) telling him to stay out of my life. When he didn’t reply, I was actually disappointed. Go figure! My brain is so f-ed up sometimes.

Speaking of brain, I keep dreaming about the Rossum job offer. Not only is it absurdly good money, but in my dream Matt is there, and he holds my hand and tells me there’s nothing to worry about. I’ve started fantasizing of running off and finding him. This, of course, just makes me feel even more ashamed because I should figure out a way to help Sara instead.

Sara… she’s so poised and strong, and manages to somehow be beautiful while worry and sadness are all over her face. She keeps going back to the rubble site which she suspects is where the Technical Institute once stood. She found pieces from animal cages there and thinks there was some kind of explosion. There’s a lot of security there (that second Rossum memo we got was about that) and someone shot at her yesterday and grazed her shoulder. She’s all tough and insisting it’s fine. I also saw her holster a gun before putting on her jacket today.

In the meantime, I’ve mostly been sitting at the motel, feeling numb and kind of resigned. Ashamed that I should somehow kick my own ass and come up with a plan. But I’m not even 25 yet. What do I know about saving the world?

7 Comments leave one →
  1. Max Bell permalink
    November 27, 2009 5:59 pm

    Some time back, I came across a short essay written by someone in my acquaintance who had, in their childhood, endured a significant amount of reconstructive surgery as the result of a birth defect. The item in question was an account of having shared a room with an orphaned girl whom the writer estimated to be around 4-5 years old, and apparently had been born without eyes.

    The account spared no detail in this recollection; they were not deformed or unfunctional, the child simply didn’t have them.

    So the surgeons at this particular facility cut holes in her skull and grafted a pair of eyes into her skull.

    After many nights of screaming, the child’s heart simply stopped. While the account went on to speculate about the humanity of tampering with the human body where it was not strictly necessary for the survival of the patient, they also left no doubt that their own opinion of the cause of death was simply a desire to escape from the people who had initiated the procedure.

    With respect to the fact that, within certain limitations, it is not difficult to understand where surgeons whose area of expertise involved reconstruction of the bodies of children might become detached from the suffering that resulted from such efforts, there likely is a moral component to the failure of judgment that allowed this tragedy to develop as it did.

    But is there any actual EVIL in this scenario?

    Surely there must be. But the real horror of it is that in this instance, it derives from the best of intentions.

    At the broadest level, the problem with Rossum is simply that having released the genie into the world? It can’t put it back. Nor can we. Nor can we even necessarily assume that Rossum is, itself, solely responsible for the present circumstance.

    After a sense? I suspect that we may have simply done a particularly tidy job of identifying ourselves as the most likely source of resistance to whatever scheme leads to the social collapse of 2019. Not a particularly cheerful thought, but then again, there is no good that ever comes of ignorance. If nothing else, certainly we’re now all too aware of the necessity of being prepared for what is to come.

    • November 27, 2009 6:38 pm

      Your comments are always so thoughtful & thought-provoking. Thank you for taking the time to write this! I remember an English prof once observing that no real villain ever thinks of themselves as one. Everyone thinks they’re the right one, or the wronged one (as the case might be), and this somehow gives people license to act despicably under the aura of righteousness.

      I’m trying to figure out right from wrong, to decide what it is I should do so that I can help the side of *good*, whatever that might be. But these days, I just feel very very small.

      • Max Bell permalink
        November 27, 2009 7:08 pm

        That’s just perspective, though. It’s an inherently western misconception that size has anything to do with anything. Or power.

        Consider Senator Perrin’s announcement about the Dollhouse on twitter, earlier. I can’t conceive of a more short-sighted response than his at this stage. Let’s just bring down the organization that’s making any effort whatsoever to manage a technology that, having come into existence, is extremely unlikely to cease existing.

        While I don’t recall the specifics off the top of my head, there was a story about guns being introduced in feudal Japan; the gist of it was simply that it was the sole example of disarmament being a successful strategy, because the emperor that abolished them didn’t actually keep any guns around for themselves. They outlawed the guns and then destroyed all of them.

        For all we know? We’re presently exposing ourselves to the very technology that will eventually bring about the 2019 collapse. It appears that there may well be some equivalency and relationship between simple images, sound, and the technology in question.

        It would be very easy to conclude that the technology in question is the source of the problem, but ultimately, it’s more the knowledge in question and how it’s applied that’s the problem.

        And my own suspicion is that it’s the whole idea of tearing down the dollhouse that will set all of this in motion, in fact, the individual(s) responsible may well be counting on it.

  2. viewingfigures permalink
    November 27, 2009 7:14 pm

    Sometimes small is good. After all, as they say, “it’s the little things”.

    Then again insignificance can breed bravado and self-righteousness.

    It is a hard time to tell right from wrong, as some historically important institutions, which used to provide moral certainties, have weakened, and mankind seems paricularily splintered.

    In the failure of our financial systems there is an underlying subtext that money cannot save us or provide the answers. Are resources an issue only if we attach a price? We are still calculating that balance as we stand. Is our collective angst a foreshadowing? Can we recognise the potential dangers of our present course and alter it?

    My favourite misquote is attributed to Darwin. “The survival of the fitest”. That was his mission statement. He was funded by the church and that was what they wanted him to prove. That god had a plan. That the fitest people to run society would prevail and endure beyond the unacceptable people. Damn him if he didn’t find that proof, but instead declared, “adapt and survive”. Observing the shorter lifespans of other, presumably, less sentient creatures enabled him to formulate this hypothesis. As humans, our lifespan, sometimes preclude fast change. We are at greater mercy from extinction than others species. Because we do not adapt so quickly. We allow insecurities, and abdication of responsibility, to guide us instead.

    So the only thing a man can do, in my eyes, is look around and see how the world can be a better place. And then look at yourself. If you then need to change yourself to make this happen then you must. It’s all too easy to point out that others are not good samaritans than to actually be a good samaritan oneself.

    • November 29, 2009 7:06 pm

      “So the only thing a man can do, in my eyes, is look around and see how the world can be a better place. And then look at yourself. If you then need to change yourself to make this happen then you must.”

      That why we need Dollhouses.

  3. November 29, 2009 12:06 am

    Damn — I duck out on your blog for a few days and miss everything!

    I’m so sorry about everything: Matt, Robert, losing your job, Rossum, Liz… Is there anything I can do for you?

  4. November 29, 2009 2:11 am

    Haven’t heard from you in a couple days… are you doing okay?

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