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Morning after

November 21, 2009

I hope my mom & friends don’t read this. They don’t seem to check the blog and now it’s really for the better. Everything has gone haywire. I have no clue what’s happening and keep wishing I’d just wake up!

Yesterday, right before the end of work the CTPs (who are mostly really nice now) started all of a sudden to ask me about the new shoes and whether I’d broken the ribbon of one. I did – on Thursday morning when I was trying them on because I was eager to figure out what I should wear for the Friday date – but I hadn’t told *anyone* at all. So, that freaked me out good and proper. Then someone sent me a link to a new “ditch the tech” video with me talking about being wounded and some stuff about the Sara lady and loving her and having my mind wiped by Rossum, and then somebody shot me. I mean, her – the me from the future. I got so upset I thought I was going to throw up. My knees were shaking. I just left the office and got in a cab and told them to take me to Central Park where I was supposed to meet Matt.

So much for getting dressed up and all the big date excitement! I got there early, and just sat on a bench, and stared at the traffic and all the people going in and out of the Plaza, and I so desperately wished I could be any one of them – just not me.

Then Matt showed up. He was carrying flowers again, but when he saw me, he immediately understood something was wrong, so he just scooped me up and held me tight and petted my hair. Then we left the park and the carriages and slowly walked to the first nearby restaurant and sat at the bar and he ordered me a glass of wine so I could calm down and start speaking again.

I told him about the video, about seeing myself die, about how the person in the video knew I’d broken the ribbon, which possibly means that everything they’re saying is true. And, oh my God, I still can’t wrap my mind around the meaning of all that!

Matt got really quiet, then he held my hand and told me that he won’t let anything bad happen to me, that I need to trust him, and he won’t leave my side. I started crying again, so he put my coat on and gently took me outside. We walked just a few blocks and then we were at his building. He’d never taken me to his apartment before, though I knew he lived somewhere close to the park. Inside, it was more of a loft: very bare and eclectic, with a lot of dark antiques and it felt so very posh and effortless that I just wanted to stay there and never leave.

He poured me another glass of wine, we talked some more, and he was assuring me we’d get to the bottom of everything together. Then we were kissing, and I started crying, and he shushed me and led me to his bedroom.

Maybe I came across as too easy or too pathetic, I don’t know. Afterward, he got up and said something about being sorry. I wanted to ask him why he was sorry, but drifted off before I could get the words out.

When I woke up I was on the couch at my place, fully clothed. For a long moment I thought it had all been a dream, but my back hurt horribly and I felt disoriented, and I’m afraid it was all real and that I got my heart broken. I tried calling him and left six messages (pathetic, I know!), but no answer. I also called Liz and texted her and she hasn’t replied either.

I think you know the rest: Robert Hunter, who is apparently Sara Kingsley’s colleague or boss contacted me and asked me to meet him. I am now at his place, where his sweet wife May made me tea and let me use her laptop. They have two very well-behaved children. They’ve offered me to stay with them until all this gets sorted out. Robert will take me back downtown to pack a few things, then I’ll talk to Sara tonight on the phone and figure out what to do.

Thanks to all of you for caring and looking in on me. I keep wanting to give up, because if all this horrible stuff is going to really happen anyway, then what’s the point of trying to fight it? But the videos said we could make a difference and that we should help Sara, so maybe that’s the next thing I have to do. I don’t know. I don’t know anything.

6 Comments leave one →
  1. November 21, 2009 3:58 pm

    The knowledge of future events is only a possible one. That knowledge empowers you to choose what to do with yourself. That future depending on your actions might very well be avoided. Stay safe. Stay with Robert. Don’t go a single place without him, including into your own apartment.
    Loves Amber (CTP theheiti)

  2. Hannah permalink
    November 21, 2009 4:05 pm

    Keep your chin up, Alex! Things will work out fine! The future we all saw in those videos is only one of many possible ones.
    We’re all trying to prevent it from happening.
    Robert and family seem nice, so does Sara. I’m sure they’ll help you as much as they can.
    I’m pretty sure my fellow CTPs will agree that we’re trying to help in any way we can as well. If you need ANYTHING, we’re here. All you have to do is ask.
    Hannah (CTP @hannahsearson)

  3. November 21, 2009 4:08 pm

    Hey kiddo –

    So happy you’re with the Hunters. I can’t even imagine all you’re going through, but you’re strong and smart and will get through this…I just know it. I’ll do everything I can to help, and you know there are a bunch of us who feel the exact same way.

    A suggestion, if you’re up for it. Though I hesitate to add any more fear to what you are already feeling, I think it could be important. Please don’t answer your phone, or make any calls, without someone first answering and vetting your callers. Rossum is rumored to be able to mess with people’s minds remotely, and that includes via phone. Since you’re not entirely sure what occurred between falling asleep at Matt’s and waking up at your house, we can’t be sure they didn’t do something to your mind in the meantime. Gosh, I know that sounds not only crazy but terrifying, and I wouldn’t even bring it up if all this other stuff with Sara and the ditchthetech videos hadn’t made it sound so life-and-death.

    Ask Robert if perhaps a tattoo of a stave might not be a bad idea at this point. Don’t know if you’re willing to do that, but it’s a thought. In the video, it appeared to have helped you.

    Eat some scones, drink some tea, and we’ll keep digging to see if we can help Sara. *hugs*


  4. Max Bell permalink
    November 21, 2009 4:17 pm

    Do you believe in free will, Alex?

    There’s the kind of answer people give you in college when they’re sitting up high on a saturday night and there’s the kind of answer people give you when they’re at work on Monday. But when you study these responses side by side and listen to them, what stands out is that what people believe about it depends on the circumstances. You ask them if overweight people can become healthier through diet and exercise and they’re all about free will. You ask them why the goldfish died and it’s because God decided it was time for Jaws to visit the great fishbowl in the sky.

    This actually makes no sense; there either is free will or there isn’t, it’s not a situational construct. So what all the compartmentalized answers really wind up telling you is that people don’t actually know what they think about the subject, because they’ve never really had to think about it seriously.

    Right now? It sounds like you need to think about it seriously. Maybe all this stuff is real. Maybe it’s just somebody that’s really twisted and trying to make you crazy (hey, google “MKULTRA” if you don’t think it happens; it does). But either way.

    Do you have to accept the future you’ve been presented? Of course not. You’ve made all kinds of choices prior to this point and you will continue to do so. What you’ve seen is a POSSIBLE outcome. It might even be a LIKELY outcome.

    There’s absolutely nothing about it that says that it has to be an INEVITABLE outcome, though.

  5. Adiar Shira permalink
    November 21, 2009 9:47 pm

    I’m glad to know you’re safe, at least for the time being.

    Don’t give up hope. I have a feeling we’ve already started messing with the future. After all, the vids didn’t say anything about us CTPs one way or another, and we’ve been pestering you since you got a twitter. Also, you changed things by telling anyone about the shoe…….in the vid you hadn’t. Basically, I’m trying to say that the future isn’t set in stone. We’ve changed some already, so…….. now I guess we work on helping to prevent the other bad stuff from happening.

    Unlike some of the other CTPs that have contacted you, I’m fairly ordinary. I’m not in any field of science, and I have no idea how to program anything. That said, I still want to help you. I’m not sure what I can do…… but I want to try. My little sister and grandma both know a decent amount about plants……maybe I could look through their books…….I”m not sure what to look for……but I want to help.

    I recommend you listen to the other CTPs and avoid answering the phone unless someone else, like Mr. Hunter, makes sure it’s safe first. I don’t want you to end up being someone else.

    If I can do anything to help, please let me know.

    Stay safe and Blessed Be,
    Adiar Shira (CTP @AdiarShira)

  6. IlionBlaze permalink
    November 22, 2009 10:12 am

    I hope you’ve been able to have a good sleep at the Hunters and are recovering bit from everything. I think we’ve made some good progress with Sara in the last little bit and I’m sure you’ll be kept up to date on everything. Let me know if there’s anyway we can help.

    PS: Considering how events have unfolded would you mind sharing Matt’s last name with us? I think we need to give due diligence to investigating all possible leads.

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